Is Cindy McCain Cheating on the Big Mac?

I was more than a little amused to come across this “news” story that’s taken the internet by storm (for the whole sixteen and a half minutes it will in fact, take the internet by storm for), and the more I read, the more questions I have. I didn’t first see the original story, but rather a repeat. I didn’t see the point of linking you over to the repeat when I could link you over to the original, so here it is, at that bastion of truth-telling we all know as the National Enquirer. Wrote they:

The ENQUIRER’s exclusive bombshell expose as Sen. John McCain’s wife, Cindy, is caught with another man!

Not only that but multiple witnesses have caught the pair lip locking on several other occasions.

“I couldn’t believe I was watching Cindy McCain passionately kissing and hugging another man!”

That’s the stunned reaction of an eyewitness who says he watched in shock – and snapped photos – as the former presidential candidate’s wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles “a washed-up ’80s rock musician.”

Although I’m sure The National Enquirer has never, ever printed something that wasn’t the utmost in honest and professional reporting, I’ve decided to put it to you, you fraccy fraccers… to tell me what you think the truth is in this case.

Below, are two photos. On the left, the very grainy and poor quality photo taken by the ’shocked’ eyewitness. On the right, a photo of Cindy McCain with husband John. I, in my ever-present desire to bring fraccers nothing but the best, have located a photo of the almost-first-lady, sporting a similar hair-do to that of the one in the grainy eyewitness photo. While that alone seems to lend some credibility to the claim… I would like to ask you all to consider a couple of other things before you render your final judgement.

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1. Honestly… do you think Cindy McCain would wear a plaid shirt like that? Seriously. Check out other photos of her available publicly. I went through 8 to 10 pages of them and didn’t find even one other shot of her a la farmer Joan.
2. Are they sure that grainy photo isn’t really a photo of Robert Wagner kissing someone else?
3. Doesn’t the woman in the photo remind you of Meredith Baxter Birney from Family Ties? I mean, if you saw her sideways and kissing someone in a really grainy photo?
4. The woman in the grainy photo has hair that, even in a ponytail, extends quite far down her back. Cindy McCain’s ponytail clearly ends at her shoulders.

So those are my observations. I’m convinced it’s Meredith Baxter Birney and Robert Wagner. I’d like to know why we aren’t making a huge fuss about that. After all, Elyse Keaton was a known Democrat while there’s no way on earth Number Two could’ve been anything but a Republican.

I’d say that’s a better scandal, but since I made the offer to you already… here it is.

Tell me if you think that’s Cindy McCain. I’ll let you have the last say and then, National Enquirer be fracced… I’ll issue the fraccy ruling!