It’s Monday. Wanna cyber?

01 Dec 2008 by fracas

Everyone knows in the United States, the Monday following Thanksgiving is known as Cyber Monday… or Black Monday. It’s the biggest online shopping day in the year and I imagine, while not nearly as stressful as heading out to the brick and mortar stores on Black Friday, a few giggles amid the clicking away of your hard-earned dollars
just might be welcome. So… grab a cup of tea and while you’re enjoying some really great deals, Fraccers is pleased to share with you, a wee bit of shopping humor!

Don’t Ask The Bird…
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Well, the lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and again it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

She was incredibly ticked now! The next day the same parrot once again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

By now, the lady was so angry that she went into the store and informed them that she would sue the store and kill the bird. To this, the store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised the parrot wouldn’t say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called out to her, “Hey lady.”

She paused and said, “Yes?”

The bird replied…

“You know.”

Fracas wonders if, had she just taken advantage of the free shipping and picked herself up a few makeover items, if she still would’ve been all that ugly to the parrot? Who knows? Maybe all she needed was a cellulite and stretch mark reducer product?

Shopping For A Man?
A “Husband Shopping Center” was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.

The only rule was that once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.

First floor, the door had a sign saying: “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and say: “Well that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they go.

Second floor says: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm,” say the girls, “But, I wonder what’s further up?”

Third floor: “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” “Wow!” say the women.”Very tempting, BUT, there’s more further up!” And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

“Oh, mercy me. But just think?! What must be awaiting us further on?!” So up to the fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said:

“This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!”

Shopping – Then vs Now
Question: What’s the difference between today and fifty years ago?
Answer: Fifty years ago, a person walked into a drugstore and said: “Some cigarettes, please,” then whispered, “and a pack of condoms.”

These Pants Really Work!
I went into this store the other day, to buy some
camoflage pants. Problem was… I just couldn’t see any!

(Ba-dum-dum!)

OUCH!
A woman shopping at a large, crowded discount store took several items to the checkout counter. After having to wait in a long line, she finally placed the items on the counter.

The checker, seeing that one of the items, a box of Tampax, had no price tag, got on the intercom and to the woman’s horror boomed out for everyone in the store to hear, “Price check on lane thirteen, Tampax, super size!”

As if this weren’t bad enough, the manager at the rear of the store mistook the word “Tampax” for “thumbtacks.” In a loud voice, he boomed back: “The kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?”

Now That’s A Salesman!
The owner of an adult toy store stepped out for awhile, leaving his new assistant in charge. Soon a Caucasian woman entered the store, pointed to the shelf behind the register and asked, “How much for that white dildo?” “Thirty-five dollars,” answered the assistant. ”And the black one?” “Same price.” “I’ll take the black one,” said the customer. “I’ve never had a black one before.” The woman bought the item and left the store.

Soon an African woman entered and inquired about the black dildo. “It’s thirty-five dollars,” the assistant told her. “And the white one?” “Same price.” “I’ll take the white one,” she said. “I’ve never had a white one before.” She paid for the item, and off she went.

Next, a Scotswoman entered and asked in a thick brogue, “How much might you be asking for the dildos?” ”Thirty-five dollars.” Suddenly, she spotted something that made her eyes light up. “A plaid dildo!” she exclaimed. “How much for that one?!” ”A lot more than you want to spend, lady,” said the assistant. “That’s a very special one.” ”Indeed!” said the woman. “It’s the tartan of my very own clan! I must have it!”

Later, when the store owner returned, he asked the assistant, “How did you do while I was gone?” ”Great!” answered the young man, beaming. “I sold one white dildo and one black dildo. Plus, I sold your thermos for a hundred and sixty-five bucks!”