Fraccers

John Carlson Gold Medal Game Canada vs USA

Some of you might not know who John Carlson is. I’ll help you, because Fracas loves to help others when she can.

John Carlson, of Colonia, N.J., is the guy responsible for the overtime goal that would give Team USA a 6-5 victory over Canada in the gold medal game at the IIHF World Junior Hockey Championships, held in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

We’re pretty ticked about that.

We’re Canadian. We supposedly don’t have much here except hockey, beer, moose and beaver, so when youse Americans come up here and pull off something like that right under our noses, we Fracskatchewanians think we should do something about it to teach you a lesson.

Maybe Canadians aren’t so polite? Maybe we’re a little on the vengeful side also? Oh sure, we can let almost anything go by, put on our brave  (yet polite) faces and soldier on, but when it comes to hockey? That when you’re gonna see what we’re really like.

So when, in an arena filled with rowdy, red and white bedecked Canadians mostly from Fracskatchewan, when Carlson decided to brazenly challenge 15,000 moose-beer-beaver and hockey loving fans by actually scoring a goal in overtime… Fracskatchewan vowed to get even with your whole country as your punishment.

Proof?

This morning, on your CNN News Network, your weather report noted that ‘Arctic air from Saskatchewan’ was responsible for freezing temperatures as far south as Florida.

Yeah.

We’ve sent you the cold, and we don’t care. We’re not ashamed. You deserve it for winning the hockey game… and it’s all John Carlson’s fault.

So there!

Oh sure, you thought we wouldn’t do anything like that because then we’ll have to pay more for the vegetables and fruits and orange juice you ship here?

Pshaw.

We don’t eat vegetables and fruits, we eat moose… and stuff like pemmican. We don’t drink orange juice, we drink beer, and we make sure our summer crops of grains are put to good use making sure we have lots of beer… enough to last us all winter.

Know why?

‘Cause it’s fraccing cold here, and we stay indoors and eat moose and pemmican and drink beer while we watch…

HOCKEY

So stick that in your helmets, and next time you have some bright idea to win a hockey game… remember this cold, and do the right thing.

Do we understand each other now?

I knew you would.

Stay warm now… y’hear!