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Author Archive

Darwin Would Be Smiling

28 Feb 2010 by fracas

It seemed everywhere I looked for news and amusing bits today, there was a story of stupidity. It just wouldn’t be right to not share them with you. After all, if the laws of nature are true, these folks might not be with us all that much longer. Best enjoy their antics while they’re here!

Next we might not be so lucky: Aussies ignore tsunami warning

A major tsunami warning for Australia’s east coast did little to deter people from flocking to beaches.

In Sydney, many travelled kilometres to try to get a glimpse of the “big wave” that never came.

Sirens sounded, lifesavers warned people off beaches and the Quiksilver pro surfing competition on the Gold Coast was postponed following yesterday morning’s warning by the Joint Australian Tsunami Warning Centre.

The alert for Queensland, NSW, Victoria and Tasmania followed the 8.8-magnitude earthquake that struck Chile on Saturday night, sending a tsunami racing across the Pacific Ocean at nearly 700km/h.

… 

The tsunami had been predicted to hit the coast around Sydney as early as 8.45am (AEDT). However, by 9am, those braving the water’s edge at Bondi Beach were still awaiting its arrival.

Gabby Stevenot, 27, said she had travelled more than 20km from West Ryde, in Sydney’s northwest, to watch the tsunami and was “disappointed” she couldn’t see anything.

“That’s why I came down here — I wanted to see the big waves and the big show but there’s not really much happening at all,” she said.

The tsunami warning was finally called off about 5pm.

Source: news.com.au

The most expensive inflight meal

AN AIRLINE passenger became so irate that he could not claim his 10,000 euros ($15,000) winning scratch card when on board the flight that he took rather odd action.

Cabin crew on Thursday’s FR1724 flight from Krakow, Poland, to the U.K.’s East Midlands airport congratulated the winner and advised him to claim his prize directly from the company which runs the lottery, as it was such a large sum.

But he apparently became so upset that he was not able to collect the prize mid-flight that he decided to digest his winning scratch card … invalidating his claim.

The airline was asking visitors to its website to decide which charity should get the €10,000 prize.

“Passengers have always been delighted to claim their large cash prizes after returning home,” Ryanair spokesman Stephen McNamara said.

“Unfortunately our latest winner felt that we should have his €10,000 prize kicking around on the aircraft.”

Source: The Australian

Why Tweeting Your Location Is Like Saying ‘Please Rob Me!’

The Web sites that seem to provide the best fresh robbery opportunities, according to this site, are Facebook, Twitter and a fairly new site, Foursquare, which shows your friends and followers where you are in the world.

Foursquare’s goal is to tell folks your location in case they just happened to be nearby, so you could hang out, grab a sandwhich or see a movie.

In theory, these communications are supposed to be harmless and protected, so they’re only viewable to just those you choose – but if you are here or there in the city or at the airport, guess where you are not: At home!

Some folks, especially teenagers and young adults, tend to have too much personal information on their Web sites. Some even include their home addresses.

That’s why Please Rob Me was put together by a group called Forthehack. Creators Bob and Bart said they are trying to prove a point.

As an example, they put in the words “left home” in a search engine, and found thousands of hits on social networking sites.

Can you say “robbery invitation”?

Source: cfnews13.com

Dumb Robber Leaves Own Car

The suspected thief got such a fright on Friday afternoon when he realised people were watching as he and his mates were breaking into a house in broad daylight, that he left his car – with the keys still in the ignition – in front of the house and fled on foot.

The police say the Ford Fiesta belongs to the man who ran away… and they expect to have him in custody soon.

Two of his mates were arrested after the burglary which took place at about 13:00.

Source: news24.com

I could spend all day doing this for you fraccers, but it’s just occurred to me that my time might be better spent on Twitter. The kids have been bugging me for a new computer and someone is bound to have updated their status to let me know they’re not home…

Category: Canadian Frac, Humor, Humour, Life, News, World  2 Comments

Say “Cheese” You Dirty Bastards

26 Feb 2010 by fracas

Ok, maybe that’s a bit harsh and you all aren’t exactly (or technically, though maybe some of you are…) bastards, but according to the article I just read, a goodly percentage of you folks out there are dirty.

And I don’t mean in the good ‘dirty’ way, I mean in the filthy dirty way.

For its new fridge, Whirlpool Corp. spent months inventing a shelf with microscopic etching so it can hold a can of spilled soda.

The technology is just one weapon against a dirty kitchen secret: Most Americans clean their fridges only once or twice a year.

Manufacturers aiming to create a cleaner, tidier fridge are likely facing an uphill battle: Currently, most Americans don’t clean their fridges until something triggers them to act, such as a spill or a pungent odor. They also don’t devote much effort to the task, even when they come home with bags of new groceries. In Whirlpool’s 2005 refrigerator habits survey of 2,571 consumers, 33% said they don’t spend any time cleaning the refrigerator before grocery shopping. In order to make room for items just purchased, 27% reported shoving everything in and not worrying about organization. [1]

Are you serious, people?

Really and truthfully, you don’t clean your refrigerator out?

I have to confess that every time I do the groceries, I clean the refrigerator. If you do it often enough, it’s never actually a big job, so reading this… I was astounded. I also have to wonder if it’s even true. I mean, it did occur to me that this might be a marketing ploy. Coming up with spanky new features just might entice folks to shell out up to $1,799.00 on a refrigerator because it can hold reems of spills and hide your bacteria, keeping you from needing to replace ‘ice cream’ on your grocery list with antacids and nausea relief medication.

But then I read on.

People often don’t store things properly anyway. Four years ago, in an effort to understand how people organize their fridges, Sub-Zero bought a week’s worth of groceries and asked a group of 12 customers to put away the items in refrigerators at the company’s research facilities in Madison, Wis.

What ensued was chaos. People put meat and soda cans in the crisper drawers, which have a temperature and humidity meant for veggies. They put their milk in shelves on the door. While the door shelves seem to be a perfect fit for a carton of milk, Sub-Zero says the area is the worst place to store dairy products because it’s the warmest part of the fridge.

And most folks had no clue what to do with the special cheese compartment… [1]

I grant you, it’s fair to acknowledge that most people don’t realize the door isn’t the place for milk, but I’m not sure I’m willing to believe there are legions of people out there who, despite having mustered enough skill and intelligence to pass the test and become licensed to get in a car and drive to the store to buy the cheese… don’t realize that the little compartment with its own door (with a sign on it that says, “Cheese”) is actually, oh, I don’t know… for the cheese.

Perhaps you don’t understand it though? Perhaps when you open the door and see that little sign that says cheese on it, you think there’s a little man in there with a camera or something?

Please tell me it ain’t so.

Tell me it’s all a scheme to separate Generation Jones [2] from $1,799.00.

Otherwise, I may just have to make you lick the bottom shelf of your own refrigerator!

Sources:

[1] Why Won’t Anyone Clean Me?

Text URL: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703503804575083453336699386.html?mod=rss_Today’s_Most_Popular

[2] Generation Jones

Text URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Jones

Category: Canadian Frac, Health, Home, food  3 Comments

Re-Vamping a Classic

31 Jan 2010 by fracas

Have you ever sat and realized how some days, the internet is terribly boring? One can only watch so many videos of stupid people falling into puddles of mud and falling victim to their friends and families’ idea of a good practical joke before one becomes weary. Indeed… sometimes we long to be able to relax with one of the classics.

And yet, sometimes the classics are (forgive me…) boring.

If you, like me, have ever thought the classics should be more interesting, you’ve come to the right place.  Fracas is pleased to assist you. Below, I’ve prepared a sample snippet that I hope will help you renew (or begin) a love of the classics.  I give you:

Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace

(Chapter 1… as read by: The Swedish Chef )

Original:

“Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes. But I warn you, if you don`t tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the infamies and horrors perpetrated by that AntichristI really believe he is AntichristI will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my friend, no longer my `faithful slave,` as you call yourself! But how do you do? I see I have frightened you. Sit down and tell me all the news.”

It was in July, 1805, and the speaker was the well-known Anna Pavlovna Scherer, maid of honor and favorite of the Empress Marya Fedorovna. With these words she greeted Prince Vasili Kuragin, a man of high rank and importance, who was the first to arrive at her reception. Anna Pavlovna had had a cough for some days. She was, as she said, suffering from la grippe; grippe being then a new word in St. Petersburg, used only by the elite.

New:

The Swedish Chef reading Tolstoy's War and Peace“Vell, Preence-a, su Genua und Loocca ere-a noo joost femeely istetes ooff zee Boounepertes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Boot I vern yuoo, iff yuoo dun`t tell me-a thet thees meuns ver, iff yuoo steell try tu deffend zee inffemeees und hurrurs perpetreted by thet UnteechristI reelly beleeefe-a he-a is UnteechristI veell hefe-a nutheeng mure-a tu du veet yuoo und yuoo ere-a nu lunger my freeend, nu lunger my `feeethffool slefe-a,` es yuoo cell yuoorselff! Boot hoo du yuoo du? I see-a I hefe-a freeghtened yuooseet doon und tell me-a ell zee noos. Um gesh dee bork, bork!”

It ves in Jooly, 1805, und zee speeker ves zee vell-knoon Unna Peflufna Scherer, meeed ooff hunur und fefureete-a ooff zee Impress Merya Fedurufna. Veet zeese-a vurds she-a greeted Preence-a Feseeli Kooregeen, a mun ooff heegh runk und impurtunce-a, vhu ves zee furst tu erreefe-a et her recepshun. Unna Peflufna hed hed a cuoogh fur sume-a deys. Um gesh dee bork, bork! She-a ves, es she-a seeed, sooffffereeng frum la greeppe-a; greeppe-a beeeng zeen a noo vurd in St. Um de hur de hur de hur. Petersboorg, used oonly by zee ileete-a.

Do you see what I mean? All you who previously thought the classics were too boring to read, may now enjoy everything from Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Bronte and Chaucer, to Nietzsche, Twain and Sir Frances Bacon.

It’s quite simply done. Select your author and locate the text you’re interested in, visit The Dialectizer, pop your chosen text into the windowbox and click. Now you too, can enjoy the classics in the format that interests you most!

You’re welcome… and happy reading… dee bork, bork!

Fracas signature

Source Credit:War and Peace excerpt credit from http://tolstoy.classicauthors.net/warandpeac/warandpeac1.html
Category: Canadian Frac, Entertainment, Geekery, Humor, Humour, Knowledge, Life  6 Comments

Canadians. Wolves in sheep’s clothing?

26 Jan 2010 by fracas

Canadians are a bunch of deviants.

I know, you’re shocked. The whole world thinks we’re calm, polite, peace-loving folks who talk funny and hate to argue, but Google proves otherwise…. and everyone knows that Google knows all.

Today I took a moment to check Google News for Canada, and see what was new(s) and exciting here. After all, being from Saskatchewan and having been cooped up for the last few days due to a blizzard that’s just moved across the prairies, dumping  25 inches (take that Pierre Trudeau, I said ‘inches’ and not ‘centimetres’) of snow here and more elsewhere, I was wondering what’s happening everywhere else.

Google thinks Canadians like deviant entertainment. Click to see full size.Google, as usual, seems to know more about us than we do.

Google seems to know that Canadians are deviants… the veritable wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Google gave me a results page proving for once and for all, that Canadians are not polite, well-mannered folks at all… no, Canadians are a people who find the most heinous behaviour imaginable… entertainment.

Click the image and have a look, full size, at how awful we Canadians are.

Oh sure, there will be those who try and joke this away by suggesting that it’s so cold here there’s nothing else to do, or that watching the #3 item on the list could drive anyone to lose their mind and become the heinous creatures featured in the first and second item on the list, but I won’t be doing that. I’m just going to retreat in shame for learning the truth about my fellow countrymen.

After all, it’s not like Google could’ve made a mistake or anything… could they?  Google doesn’t make mistakes.

No, I’m just going to do what anyone who might not want to be tarred with the same brush (as all those deviants Google knows Canada is full of) would do.

I’m moving to Argleton.

Fracas signature

Category: Canadian Frac, Humor, Humour, News, World  2 Comments
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